Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
