Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
