I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
should my penis look like a turkey
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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