420 ftw
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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