everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I have so many feelings about this burrito
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
