:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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