how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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