My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
