allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
