So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
