IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
