I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
