Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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