I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's blow job season.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
