Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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