She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
