my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
