the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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