I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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