3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
