no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You are the jesus of drinking
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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