Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
