Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
