Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
