I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
