My liver just broke up with me...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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