So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
