Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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