Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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