I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
