On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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