Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
