So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
