Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
