How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
