you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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