ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
