just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
