Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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