I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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