eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
