I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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