Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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