I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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