i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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