i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
