You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
