He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
