I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
