Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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