This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
