I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
