WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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