I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
