that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
