you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
