I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I wish you could order shots online.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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