You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
