Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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