I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
