Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
