The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
